Sunday, 26 August 2012

Caped Conversations: Robin's costume.

Robin: Hey Bruce…can we talk for a second?
Batman: Can it wait? The Calculator has hijacked the diamond exchange.
Robin: Bruce. It’s the fucking Calculator. We can take our time. Hell! Send Alfred!
Batman: Yeah fair enough. What did you want to talk about?
Robin: Well, I just wanted to ask about my costume.
Batman: What about it?
Robin: You designed it right?
Batman: Yes. I based it on your old “Flying Graysons” gymnast’s outfit.
Robin: Right....and at any point when designing a uniform for a 12 yr old to go up against armed criminals in did you think ‘Hmm. Maybe a bright red and yellow leotard isn’t the best choice’.
Batman: No… I mean, I thought you’d want to wear it.
Robin: You thought that I’d want to wear a constant reminder of my family’s grisly death?
Batman: Well, I do.
Robin: Yeah but at least your fucked-up death tribute is an armour-plated, ninja exo-skeleton.
Batman: Robin. Your suit is weaved from an advanced Kevlar/Carbon-Fibre polymer. It't fire-proof, stab-proof and it can stop a hollow-point at 15 feet.
Robin: It had fucking better! It’s bright red, green and yellow. I draw more gunfire than a Judge Dredd artist! And what about the large parts of me that aren’t covered by the suit?
Batman:…This is about the short shorts again isn’t it?
Although, to be fair, his quads look like they could deflect bullets on their own

Robin: You’re damn right it’s about the short shorts! Why can’t I just wear pants like…literally every other superhero!
Batman: We’ve talked about this. The shorts serve a very important purpose. When criminals look at you they see a small child in an, admittedly ludicrous, pair of neon green short shorts and not the highly trained crimefighter that you are. They underestimate you and so you always have the upper hand.
Robin: That is true.
Batman: See, I told you…
Robin: In fact. They’re usually so busy pissing themselves laughing at me that they can’t even defend themselves.
Batman: This crusade is not about our own personal pride my young comrade. If we have to be objects of ridicule in order to protect the citizens of Gotham then so be it
Robin: Yeah but you get to say that wearing pants!
Batman: Look at it this way. Ever since you started patrolling in that outfit we haven’t even had to hunt down child-molesters. They’ve been queuing up to get arrested by you.
Robin:  You’re such an asshole!

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